Random Scribbles · writing

Found in my Inbox

Greetings from ACME

ACME [emails-noreply@acme.com]

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Sent: Sat 18.Oct.2014
To: Undisclosed recipient list

Hi Friend:

Remember us? We’re the good people at ACME, Inc. You started trusting ACME and ACME products when you were watching the Roadrunner on Saturday mornings. That’s right! We’re the ones who supplied all those bitchin’ products to Wylie Coyote. We just wish he had been able to use them more effectively.

We’ve reached out to you today to introduce our latest miracle product, ACME Body Sculpting Liqui-Gels. That’s right. Do you admire the physical perfection depicted in Michelangelo’s David, or the Venus de Milo (excepting the obvious loss of her arms)? Do you stand naked in the bathroom and stare at yourself for hours, wondering “What if?”

Wonder no more. Take an ACME Body Sculpting Liqui-Gel capsule tonight and wake up in the morning with that perfect body you have always coveted. You too, can look like David or Aphrodite. We’ll even let you keep your arms!

If you act now we’ll send you two ACME Body Sculpting Liqui-Gel capsules for the price of one. But don’t take the second one – share it with a friend.

Side effects of ACME Body Sculpting Liqui-Gel are uncommon, but may include nausea, headaches, vomiting, sudden death, vertigo, hemorrhoids, slight pregnancy, oily discharge, malaria, minor heart failure, discoloring of the stool, circumcision, mild discomfort, gender reassignment, or a slight rash. In some rare cases subjects were no longer capable of recognizing a winning poker hand.

 Call now! Operators are standing by!

 You are receiving this email because you are unregistered on Acme.com we purchased your email address, for next to nothing, from a broker in Kissimmee FL. To stop receiving emails about Acme, unsubscribe here.

Copyright © 2014 Acme, Inc. 12 Jefferson Ave. Suite B, Brooklyn, NY 11222 USA. All rights reserved.

7 thoughts on “Found in my Inbox

  1. But wait! How much is Shipping? I mean Shipping & Handling. No, that’s not enough–How about Processing and Handling.?Then no one can complain about being charge $87.50 for mailing the two gelcaps.

    Liked by 1 person

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