Picture Prompt #27

TBP
TBP


He stepped into The Jewelry Exchange, with his pistol, and it got real quiet.
Everyone stopped what they were doing to stare at him in his disguise. He stood for a moment and bathed in their awe; posing just as he had practiced.
This was his stage.
This was his time.
When he felt he had shared just the right amount of awesomeness he tossed a gym bag to Imogene, the counter girl.
“Just the cash and the gemstones, darling, that’s all I want. The rest of you, stay calm… try to look beautiful.”
He watched the red letters tick across the signboard announcing the real-time price of gold, silver, and other precious commodities.
“Who are you?” Imogene whispered when she handed back the bag of loot, “Who does your eye makeup?”
He pointed his pistol at her chest and squeezed the trigger.
A stream of water darkened her black dress.
Mr. Timkins fainted and fell out of his chair.
The bunny bandit turned and left the way he had come in, ducking handily to avoid hitting his ears on the door-frame.


More than 100 but less than 2. Does that still qualify for inclusion?

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9 thoughts on “Picture Prompt #27

  1. One giggle, two hahas, another giggle and then a laugh-out-loud that, I’m not kidding, scared the cat. I have this wonderful image of the ending with teller, the manager and Bunny Bandit. This needs a story board!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I was afraid my 182 words would be about 82 too many. I take it from your comments that you will overlook this excess this time. Yes?

      Like

      • You thinking about that time I came down on April & Karmen? For that prompt I was specific about word limit. This time I said “about” 100 words as a loose guideline to encourage participation. “Tell us a story” can evoke a request for 1000 or more words, which isn’t everyone’s preference. Also, I figure a fashion “statement” doesn’t come with much more than a short story.
        Anyway, I happily overlooked your verbiage because it was definitely worth it!

        Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m wondering if he’s going to like the moniker Bunny Bandit? He probably needs something more posh. 🙂 Great dialogue and setting. If I’m being a really ruthless editor and you want to get this chopped down closer to 100 words, I think you can take out this atmospheric line (it’s interesting and good, but doesn’t add to the character or plot; it’s more of a place-setter): “He watched the red letters tick across the signboard announcing the real-time price of gold, silver, and other precious commodities.” Also could remove: “A stream of water darkened her black dress.” and “Mr. Timkins fainted and fell out of his chair” (especially the latter sentence; Vonnegut said something about each character introduced needs to want or need something, even if only a glass of water. Mr. Timkins doesn’t seem to be there for any reason other than to illustrate the shock of the crime. I think the shock is a given and is already established when bunny boy blows away Imogene). My 2 cents’! Another great, succinct story, T.N.

    Liked by 1 person

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