The Blog Propellant · writing

He Seemed Like Such a Nice Man

Monday Moment with…Tony

“You understand, Luke, what the consequences are, if you plead guilty to the charges, as they’ve been read?”

“Yes your honor, I do. I truly do.”

“It is my understanding that you intend to do this anyway despite advise to the contrary by counsel. That you intend to mount no defense on your own behalf and plead guilty, as charged. Do I understand this correctly?”

“Yes your honor, you do.”

“Well, OK then, I guess we ought to get straight on it then. Ahem, Anthony Lucas Lovell; you stand accused of the following crimes against the people of Alabama. You are charged with malicious auto theft for stealing a patrol car from a sworn officer of the law, who had radioed in a 10-7b, and was inside “Bob’s Donut World” on Central Avenue. How do you plead?”

“Guilty, your honor, but the keys was in it.”

You are further charged with armed robbery, including malice and aforethought for the act of using a counter pen torn from the lobby counter in the 1st Bank of Centre Pointe and threatening the teller, Miss Mary Beth Parsons, with said pen whilst lifting the bills from her cash drawer. How do you plead?”

“Guilty, your honor, Miss Parsons was my Spanish teacher in the fifth grade. I didn’t really mean no harm.”

“Lastly, you are charged with mayhem and creating a nuisance.”

“Guilty, your honor.” Luke hummed a few bars of some unrecognizable tune that had been stuck in his head all day. It was ‘Rock n Roll Music’ – the devil’s music. Didn’t help his case much.

“Hold on, son. I want to make sure I understand this.” The judge studied the papers he clutched in his hand. “It says here that in addition to the mayhem and nuisance business, you are further charged with temerarious driving, and the exhibition of extortionate speed, philately, spelunking, playing the accordion, and impersonating a gynecologist.”

“Guilty, your honor.”

“Luke, I’m afraid I’m gonna have to throw the book at you for this ghoulish behaviour. You undertook quite the crime spree. I sentence you to hard time, and order you to report immediately to Draper Correctional Facility in Elmore County, Alabama.

Hey Tony, Hey Ms Rose – no malicious intent with this post. I’m just entertaining myself. Let me know and I will take it down if you want.

4 thoughts on “He Seemed Like Such a Nice Man

  1. No way! Though I’m thinkin’ I may have to cite you for using more than 3 “search Google for…” words. While I consider an appropriate sentence, in the meantime, don’t go impersonating a gynecologist, OK? Very fun take on the prompt!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. THIS. IS. HILARIOUS!! I absolutely love this piece! I agree with Ms. Rose–I’mma have to research some of these awesome words (temerarious, for example), but this piece is so funny!! Thank you! I’m honored!

    Liked by 1 person

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