“Well, look who finally got up. Did you sleep well David?”
“Damn it Darlene. Can you just shut it and get me a cup of coffee?” David said as he plopped his ass down at the table and stared at his wife.”
Darlene grabbed a cup and the Mr. Coffee carafe. She poured him a cuppa and set it on the table so that he would have to reach for it. He growled and mumbled as he fetched his coffee and took a sip.
“Jeeze Darlene, you didn’t put any sugar in it. Are you trying to poison me? Or what?”
She almost threw him the five pound bag of sugar and he poured a generous amount straight from the bag into his cup, splashing coffee on the table as he did so. He scowled. Darlene wrinkled up her face like she had just bitten into a lemon.
“Look at you David,” she said suddenly. “I’m not gonna let you go out of the house like that today.”
“What? What is it, Darlene? You don’t like my shirt? You don’t like my pants? Huh? What is it?”
“Yeah, David” Darlene spat the words out. “I don’t like your pants. You promised me you wouldn’t wear those pants ever again and now look at you. You got your cranky pants on. I swear to God I’m gonna burn them today whether you’re wearing them or not!”
David looked down at his trousers, “Ahhh, I’m sorry, Darlene. I just reached in the closet and pulled on the first pair I grabbed. I didn’t even notice.” He got up from the table, and headed back up the stairs to change. When he came back down he was wearing his old faded pair of 501’s and he stopped by the woodstove and stuffed his cranky pants inside.
“Sorry, baby,” he said and he pecked his wife on the cheek. She pulled him in close for another kiss then grabbed the box of Ohio Blue Tips and headed across the room to the stove. Darlene was smiling when she struck the match with her thumbnail and tossed it on top of those hateful trousers.