All I Have Left


So this is how it all comes down?
This is where I am now?
All I have left is

my laptop,
my words,

half a pack of smokes,
her email address,

a bottle of Mescal and,
a loaded gun

It’s a given that I will drink the liquor and the cigarettes, I will smoke
But then what? The laptop isn’t worth much – it’s loaded with music, mostly blues and jazz, all pirated

I should probably be in jail

What are words worth? I never made much money from words,
but then that was never my intention
My goal was to connect
To connect with people

Most recently to connect with her

I have her email address
I have her phone number
I see her almost daily, but
I’ve failed to connect

I should write her a letter, express my undying devotion
I should write her a poem, pour my soul onto the paper, onto the screen

I could send it to her through the ether
I could print it on 80# linen card stock –

the colour of unbleached muslin

– designed to impress

I could send it through the post; special delivery

I’ve tried all that before but no one ever cared
I’ve been dismissed as an airhead, a blatherskite, a hocicón

I still have the piece though. The flat trigger Glock and two bullets
One in the chamber and
One on the table; standing next to the bottle

I’m too scared for this shit


15 thoughts on “All I Have Left

  1. Jeez – dark stuff.

    I know you’ve written some pieces on your site before which have been linked to your own personal circumstances. Really hope this isn’t one of them. I hope you’re ok…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Gotta know…
    You’ve used this banner before, and I’m taken with the application…is it original artwork, or is it a digital filter on an image? It’s very cool.


  3. You pack so much emotion into this – the loss of a relationship, flippancy about jail the pirated music. I’m feeling sad for your protagonist and then the last line has me scared too – is he going to shoot himself, or is that the bit he’s too scared of? Great write.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’ve read this a couple of times now. It’s one of those posts. It’s so good to see you back at your writing “weight.” Write on!

    Liked by 1 person

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