OLWG · writing

All I Have Left


So this is how it all comes down?
This is where I am now?
All I have left is

my laptop,
my words,

half a pack of smokes,
her email address,

a bottle of Mescal and,
a loaded gun

It’s a given that I will drink the liquor and the cigarettes, I will smoke
But then what? The laptop isn’t worth much – it’s loaded with music, mostly blues and jazz, all pirated

I should probably be in jail

What are words worth? I never made much money from words,
but then that was never my intention
My goal was to connect
To connect with people

Most recently to connect with her

I have her email address
I have her phone number
I see her almost daily, but
I’ve failed to connect

I should write her a letter, express my undying devotion
I should write her a poem, pour my soul onto the paper, onto the screen

I could send it to her through the ether
I could print it on 80# linen card stock –

the colour of unbleached muslin

– designed to impress

I could send it through the post; special delivery

I’ve tried all that before but no one ever cared
I’ve been dismissed as an airhead, a blatherskite, a hocicón

I still have the piece though. The flat trigger Glock and two bullets
One in the chamber and
One on the table; standing next to the bottle

I’m too scared for this shit

16 thoughts on “All I Have Left

  1. Jeez – dark stuff.

    I know you’ve written some pieces on your site before which have been linked to your own personal circumstances. Really hope this isn’t one of them. I hope you’re ok…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Gotta know…
    You’ve used this banner before, and I’m taken with the application…is it original artwork, or is it a digital filter on an image? It’s very cool.


  3. You pack so much emotion into this – the loss of a relationship, flippancy about jail the pirated music. I’m feeling sad for your protagonist and then the last line has me scared too – is he going to shoot himself, or is that the bit he’s too scared of? Great write.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’ve read this a couple of times now. It’s one of those posts. It’s so good to see you back at your writing “weight.” Write on!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Fiction is good. Damn good fiction. The desperation, the being scared. …Just watched a ‘Mind Fields’ about fear. The host was rigged up to become fearful to a pink square. However the thing that folks seem to fear most… lack of oxygen. But there are other things that come in as very close seconds. I’m sure playing Russian Roulette with a clock could be one of them.

    Liked by 1 person

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