OLWG #41 – Can I Buy an Entire Chess Set at a Pawn Shop?

 Written quickly for OLWG #41


Augie stood outside the storefront and stared in the window of Midtown Pawn. He was looking at a VCR, a couple of nail guns, a blue steel 45, a chess board, a saxophone, a Fender electric guitar, and a whole lot of golf clubs. Intrigued, he pushed open the glass door and stepped inside the shop, the bell on the door tinkled.

A large man with a full beard and long hair pulled into a pony tail sat in the dark, behind a steel mesh cage that fronted the counter. He looked Polynesian and wore black sunglasses. He must have weighed 350.

“Help you?” the big guy asked.

“Maybe so,” Augie said. “I was looking in your window.”

“So what?”

“So, I was looking at the chess set.” Augie paused as the big guy leaned forward and raised the dark glasses so Augie could see his eyes. His eyes were piercing, cold as ice.

“Careful what you say next.” The big guy said, “I’m not in a good mood today. My dog peed on the rug and I don’t got much of a sense of humor anyway. You see this steel cage?” he indicated the screen in front of him.

Augie nodded.

“You think they put this here to protect me from punks like you? Nah, they put this here to protect comedians like you from me. They put this cage up after the last guy came in and spouted a stupid joke.”

“What’d you do to him?” Augie squeaked.

“I ripped off his arm and beat him to death with it.” The big guy lowered his dark glasses back down over his eyes, sat back in his seat, crossed his arms and studied Augie carefully. “The judge deemed it justifiable homicide. He don’t like wise crackers either. Now spit it out; what you want?”

Augie swallowed and cleared his throat, “Uhm, I was, uhm, I was interested in the golf clubs,” he stammered, “Is that a ‘Big Bertha’ driver in the window?”

The big guy smiled, “You got a good eye, little man. It is a ‘Big Bertha’ and I can let you have it for only two hundred dollars.”

The two men stared at one another through the steel mesh and across the countertop for an interminable amount of time. Finally Augie reached for his wallet.

“Do you take Bank Americard?” he asked.

The big guy’s smile widened, “I wouldn’t of pegged you for a golfer, brah!”


This week’s prompts were:

  1. Pull my thumb
  2. It’s just a figure of speech
  3. Have we seen this already?

Don’t think! Write!
You have 25 minutes but if it takes longer – just don’t tell anyone.