OLWG · writing

OLWG# 240- Take Her to Church

I spent longer than I meant to on this, but…

Written for OLWG# 240



Shortly after Kayleigh and I got married, there were a few issues at work and, we had to move in with her parents. It was less than a month before Christmas and, I wasn’t feeling good about the situation, but Kayleigh’s parents, Frank and Ann, were good people and never made me feel as though we were imposing.

On the Sunday morning before the holiday, Frank and I found ourselves watching golf together on television. Frank was big on golf and, it was his TV. I watched whatever Frank was watching.

“Aside from dinner, here at the house, what are you and Kayleigh going to do on Christmas?” Frank asked.

“We haven’t talked about it.” I said, “Do you guys have any family traditions that I should know about?”

“Take her to church.” Frank advised, “That can be quite…memorable.”

“I’ll talk with her about that, Frank,” I said.

Frank smiled and turned his attention back to the golf on TV. That evening I asked Kayleigh if she wanted to go to church on Christmas and, she seemed excited about the idea. I admit that this surprised me, as I had never known her to care about religion, one way or another.

When Christmas came, Kayleigh got dressed up for church and made sure that I looked presentable as well. We loaded into the car and drove only a mile or two to the church that Kayleigh and her family had attended when she was growing up. We got there just as the organist began playing what I assumed might be a “Call to Worship.” We hustled inside. Kayleigh paused in the Narthex and said, “I want to sign the guest book. Give me just a minute.” I nodded and looked through the window into the sanctuary. There were folks seated in the dark wooden pews. I could see the choir sitting on a dais in front of the congregation. There was no one at the pulpit, so I assumed we were on time.

Kayleigh started giggling as she put the pen down.

“What?” I asked.

She pointed at the guest book, so I walked over. I could see where she had written two names down. A closer look showed that the first name read Hugh G. Rection and, the second was Oliver Klozoff. I smiled, shook my head, and took her arm. We headed inside the quiet sanctuary. About halfway down to the front, Kayleigh spotted some seats that looked like they might accommodate us. She paused, pointed at the available seats and in a too-loud voice asked, “Excuse me, are these seats saved? Do you mind if my husband and I sit here?” The gentleman sitting nearby first shook his head, then nodded in assent.

Kayleigh grabbed my hand and shouted, “come on, honey, let’s sit here.” It was quite a production for her to get settled and, when she finally did, she farted loudly. “Hark!” she exclaimed, “An angel has spoken.” Tittering into her hand, she leaned back and settled in the pew, waiting. As if on cue, the choir rose and sang a hymn that I did not recognize as the pastor, and a few other church officials filed in and took their seats up front, on the dais.

Kayleigh chose that moment to rifle through her purse and come up with a pack of cigarettes and a pink plastic lighter. She leaned over to the gentleman she had spoken to earlier about the seat availability before asking, in a stage whisper, “Do you guys have the ashtray?”

He shook his head and looked at her in disgust. Kayleigh adopted an offended expression on her face. “Well, excuse me,” she said and returned the cigarettes to her purse. When the choir began another song, Kayleigh turned to me, “Christ, Bobby,” she said, “do they have to sing again?” I patted her arm to hush her and, she gradually calmed down for the song. When it was over, there was a huddle on the dais. Finally, a solitary man made his way to the pulpit. I assumed him to be the pastor of the church.

He spread his arms and addressed his flock, “Folks, those of you who have been coming here for a while will no doubt recognize that the always entertaining Kayleigh is back. We’re glad you’re here Kayleigh, we’ve missed you.”

Kayleigh kept her seat and waved.

I looked at her, wide-eyed. A smattering of soft laughter and applause echoed in the sanctuary.

When the congregation quieted again, Kayleigh hollered up at the pastor, “I’ve missed you too, preacher. Are you coming over for Christmas dinner today?” She jabbed her elbow into my ribs, “That’s my cousin, Richey,” she whispered.


This week’s prompts were:

  1. you lost more than your hair
  2. take her to church
  3. we’re going to the store