Speakeasy #168: Another Epic Day


 

“When did you know you were lost?” he asked.

“As soon as we didn’t get there when we should have,” I said “What kinda stupid question is that anyway?”  I grinned, “We were makin’ great time though.”

“Yeah we were,” he agreed. “But how did we wind up in France?”

“France? What makes you think we’re in France? We’re in a pickup truck – we can’t get to France in a pickup truck.”

“I dunno, maybe it’s all the people speaking French?”

“That doesn’t mean anything; we could be in Haiti or New Orleans or Montreal. We are lost, remember. And, what makes you think that’s French anyway? Sounds like it could be Spanish to me!”

“Pull over,” he instructed, “let’s ask someone.”

“You don’t speak French or Spanish,” I said.

“Not since high school, anyway,” he grinned. “Come on, come on – pull over by that café.”

So I did. I pulled over to the curb, put the truck into first, set the brake and killed the engine. He got out of the cab and naturally, he leaned against the hood until a good looking girl came by.

Excusez-moi mademoiselle.” He asked her, “Pouvez-vous s’il vous plaît me dire où nous sommes?”

She looked at him like he had just escaped from a mental ward and stepped a little closer to the building, giving him a wide berth, “La Rochelle, bien sûr.” She said hurriedly and picked up her pace to speed past.

He leaned into the window, “I think she likes me.”

“Like hell, she was lookin’ at me. What’d she say?”

“She said we’re in La Rochelle. Where’s that?”

I pulled out my iPhone and went to work. “I think she’s fuckin’ with you. La Rochelle’s in France, but dude… we only left Richmond a couple of hours ago and we haven’t even stopped for gas. No way could we be in France. Ask somebody else.”

He stood up, rapped twice on the doorframe and turned back to the sidewalk. An elderly gentleman wearing a beret and walking rather sprightly, with a cane, was approaching. “Excusez-moi monsieur, pouvez-vous me diriger vers La Rochelle?”

“Vous êtes à La Rochelle. Que faites-vous, un comédien?

He stuck his head back in the cab. “Well?” I asked.

“The old guy says we’re in La Rochelle, dude. How can that be? What are we gonna do?” He was starting to get worried.

I pulled my phone back out and started asking Siri some serious questions. He was standing on the curb looking at stuff.

“Dude,” I called, “come here, I got a plan.”

He came back and opened the door. As he climbed into the truck he said, “The only car here with Virginia plates is your truck, man. Everybody else has funny lookin’ plates. I think these guys were right, we’re either in France or we’re in the Twilight Zone. Have you seen that Serling guy? You know who I’m talkin’ about right? I think I’m startin’ to hyperventilate.” He leaned his head down between his knees; put both hands over his mouth and started breathing deeply.

“Take it easy man,” I said, “I tell ya, I got a plan. My phone tells me that La Rochelle is on the coast, right? That means there’s a beach right?”

He thought about that and nodded.

“Let’s go get some fries and head to the beach. If we’re in France well, the beaches are topless in France. That means there’ll be tits at the beach.”

He looked at me with that thousand yard stare, no longer hyperventilating. “Yeah,” he said slowly like he was talking in his sleep. Then, picking up speed, he continued, “tits at the beach and, and fried potatoes. This has the makin’s of a great day.” A smile spread slowly across his face. “An epic day.”

I started the truck and pulled back around into the sparse traffic, heading west.

“Can we buy beer?” he asked.

“We’ll probably have to settle for wine,” I answered, “this is France, after all.”


If The SpeakEasy is open you can check out what this is all about by clicking on the badge. My apologies for the poor French.

Please read in the spirit of fun – that is the spirit in which it was written.

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32 thoughts on “Speakeasy #168: Another Epic Day

  1. I pictured some time travelers who got stuck in a time warp and somehow got teleported to France from Richmond Virginia. I could be wrong though. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • That works for me. I wrote the story so that I didn’t have to know how they got there – only that they got there. During the process of writing, I imagined several different ways but I was reluctant to commit to any of them. I thought this would be fun.
      I like your take.

      Like

  2. I love how they use all the logic and tools at their disposal to figure out the mystery…then just decide to go with the flow. Fun read!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I was so confused through the whole story so I just assumed they woke up in France or the car could fly and they never noticed lol

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is so entertaining! I love that you didn’t focus on the mystery of how they ended up in France – and I like the way they decided to roll with it. Certainly, there are worse fates than having to settle for French wine. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Saying you will settle for French wine is akin to asking not to be thrown into the briar patch, I think.
      Glad you liked it Suzanne.

      Like

  5. Love these fools! “Tits at the beach and, and fried potatoes”: I had to laugh out loud. I also like that you left how they got there open. I do that sometimes when I can’t commit – and sometimes even when I can but want to see what others come up with.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I love that you had fun with these two guys – that’s what I was trying to do. Besides all the literary reasons not to cover the “how” of how they got there. A practical reason also existed. A 750 word cap meant I had to choose what to develop. I chose to develop the characters solely because I thought they were more entertaining. Judging from the comments I am getting I think it was a good choice, maybe even the best choice. I learn so much at YeahWrite. I like playing here more than I like fried potatoes!

      Like

  6. Good to see you Ted. Thanks for stopping by, Thanks for reading. Thanks for saying nice things. See you’ve done three things for me and I only wrote one story. I guess I owe you! 🙂

    Like

  7. Epic! What havoc they’ll wreak on the beach. Very fun read, Thom. You’ve got mad dialogue skills. Tits and fries…doesn’t take much to make a guy happy, does it? 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Meg. I’m working on my dialogue and I am getting better. Your encouragement inspires me to keep practicing.
      Oh, and you’re right – by and large, as a gender, we are pretty easy to please. Easily amused as well but, that’s another story.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Wait what? How did they get from America to France and not notice? In a pickup truck?! I wonder where they were going, maybe there was a bug and they just drove across the ocean…

    That reminds me of Edge of Tomorrow, a film I saw not long ago and Tom Cruise goes “…when we get to Lyon”. Ten minutes later I realise that they are in the north of France and they have to go to Germany but Lyon is in the south and in no way anywhere near where they should be going… why the hell were they going to Lyon?!… They probably had a similar car to the guys in your story, it just randomly space jumps.

    Liked by 1 person

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