2014 Flash Fiction Challenge: A Challenging Opportunity in Customer Service


 

“Alright Mister… Washington? Is it? Come on in sir, have a seat please. It says here that you are applying for a position in customer service. Is that correct?

“Holy smokes man, what’s up with your teeth? They look like they’re made out of wood or something. Nothing personal but I don’t think we can put you in a position facing the public with those teeth. I mean – have you seen a dentist recently? Would you be willing to consider a back room position, or maybe something in telephone sales?

“Well let’s see, in a backroom position we have a few openings, administrative opportunities but most of those are in remote offices. Vegas, LA, Wichita, and you want to stay in DC right?

Oh, oh hang on, here’s something in Virginia. That work for you?

“OK, let’s see. Got any IT experience?

“No? That Virginia slot is a systems administrator position with DBA experience. Sorry, just can’t get around those prerequisites.

“You know what? Ha, ha. Let me just, uhm, glance at your resume. I normally never read these things. Just work off the recommendations of my staff. They normally vet the resumes and do the background checks. By the time someone gets to me they’re as good as hired and we just have to shake hands. I’m nothing more than a formality really. Give me a second to take a look at this.

“Hmm… wow! Uh-huh, uh-huh. Well? Mr. Washington did you know that you are more than 280 years old? Little older than our normal new hire but, that won’t be a problem! We don’t discriminate around here. No sir.

“Looks like you’re a vet too – that’s great. We love to hire vets, and you were Commander in Chief of the Continental Army – you did pretty good for yourself in the military Mr. Washington. Been doing quite a bit of government work as well, looks like. Pretty impressive stuff too… founding father, first president of the United States – inaugural office holder, delegate to the First Continental Congress from Virginia. That’s a lotta juice, if you don’t mind me saying?

“Too bad you don’t have that IT experience, seeing as you already know Virginia. It would have been a perfect fit.

“I don’t see any mention of college here George, mind if I call you George? Where did you go to school George?

“I see. Homeschooled huh?

“Maybe eighth grade?

.

.

.

“How did you get in here anyway?

“How did you get past my staff? I mean, yeah, you’re a vet but shit man, you’re almost 300 years old, no education, and you’ve been sucking the government teat for years. I can’t hire you! You’re unemployable and you don’t have any IT experience.

“And those teeth, Christ.

“I’m sorry George, I just don’t see a fit here but, I’ll keep your resume on file in case something comes up. Thanks for your time.”

Don’t let the door hit you in the ass, you old fart.


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Prompt: A celebrity of your choice (alive or dead) applies for a job and gets an interview.

 I think George Washington qualifies as a celebrity. Don’t you? I mean, who hasn’t heard of him?

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