26 April 2014
I’ve been slacking. I’ve been remiss. I have been neglecting to transcribe my “Book Bandit” posts to this blog. The inspiration for this blog is the writers guild. I have no excuse. I am going to try and catch up today. This is the first of the overdue posts.
The prompts are:
- If I could, I would write this in fire
- They were worn and tattered
- Traffic lights and toenails
I pulled to the side of the road. The cop pulled in behind me. I watched in the mirror as he got out of his prowl car and unsnapped the strap on his holster.
He stayed close to the side of my car as he approached the drivers side window, “License and registration,” he said with his hand close to the grip of his pistol.
I leaned to the right and took out my wallet for my Drivers License and retrieved the registration from the pocket on the visor. I held them out the window.
“Keep your hands on the wheel where I can see them.” the officer ordered and when I complied he glanced at the documents I had surrendered.
“Councilman?” he said, “I didn’t recognize you, sir.”
“That’s because your were staying behind me officer.” I said, ” You never looked at my face.”
“I did see your face when you blew through that red light councilman but, it was mostly obscured. You apparently had your foot in your mouth.”
I laughed and I guess at that point he realized he had just cracked a joke. I mean, it’s funny right? A politician with his foot in his mouth. He blushed and leaned down to the window.
“I have to write you a ticket councilman, because I already called in the stop. They expect a ticket and there’ll be hell to pay if I don’t.”
“I understand Officer…?”
“Templeton,” he said.
“I understand Officer Templeton.”
“I’m just gonna write you up for the traffic light violation.” Officer Templeton said, “But, I gotta ask, was your foot really in your mouth? Didn’t you see the red light? Anybody but you Councilman and I’d be writing this ticket in fire – you’d be looking at 7 – 10 years for traffic violations. Pretty serious stuff.”
“I’m sorry, Sargent Templeton. It was a perfect storm. I caught my toe on a wire hanging under the dashboard and when I looked down to free it I noticed that all my toenails were worn and tattered. I didn’t have anything to trim them with in the car so I was biting them.” My turn to blush.
He handed me a ticket for a red light violation. He smiled and pointed down the street, “See that strip mall?”
“There’s a nail care shop in every strip mall these days. You should find the one in there and get yourself a pedicure. It’s a lot less embarrassing, and a lot less disgusting than getting pulled over for biting your own toenails while operating a moving vehicle.”
“Thanks, Lieutenant Templeton, I think there could be a promotion in this for you. I’ll start the paperwork first thing Monday morning.”
Time is up. Put down your writing implements and step away from the paper.